A love worth fighting for.

These past two days, I think I found love. A one-way love. I, loving him or just liking him, and he, just nothing. Nothing for me. I cried, hard. Like I am not in love for the first time. I don’t know why, because maybe I assumed that we can be something. Because he has given me reasons to pretend to. He admitted to my friend and I that he still loves her ex-girlfriend. That girl who is more beautiful than me, a girl who he thinks is just the one. It’s killing me. I don’t know why I cried for that one simple reason. I am nothing to him, just a friend. It’s awkward to let you know that we just met December of last year, and I started to have feelings for him this January, the first two weeks of the New Year. I want to stab myself. I let my emotions conquer me again. I let my own reasons to manipulate myself. I am wondering what’s worst. And the worst is I think I liked him a lot. They say I love him, but either way I try to look I just can’t find the perfect words to describe if I am really in love with this guy. It is like we just met, and then I fell for him. 
No guts, I still hope for him to like me, when he stopped breathing for her. However every time I look at him, when I am talking to him, I can see, that love, it will never be for me. As much as I hope for the stars to come down and take him away with me, it will never happen. As much as I pretend as if I am not affected in front of him the more vulnerable I am within.
And I made the biggest mistake of my life. I questioned God. Why He did not give me what I want? Maybe, he is not what I need. I always find myself in the midst of fault reasoning and timing. When I liked someone, they have their loves. What the hell am I thinking that there is a way that we can be something? I am the first one who admitted the feelings. And damn, it’s like I am the one who is courting someone. Heaven and earth help me!
I want to hold him in my arms, like what I have just said to him a while ago, he is worth loving. If I am that one to love him, I will take care of him, I will love him the way he should be love, and I will fight for him like nobody else can, and no one else can come between us. If I am that someone, I would never ever let go. But maybe they just can’t continue fighting for the love they have. Nevertheless, for me, even the world hates the two of you, even if the world would look hunting for your blood, even if the earth wanted you to fight each other, I won’t. Even the world fall apart, I would want to live with him, because that’s why you love, you will take every moment just to be together. You will dare have the sun to just be there and shine your path. Why would I even let go of someone, whom I know I should be with right now. On the other hand, the waters of the streams and leaves of the trees won’t give me the power to have him. I just can’t have him although I want to stare at him beside me for a lifetime. Maybe I am only saying this because I really like him. I don’t know. It may change. For now, I will just be like this. If he likes me for what I am, for what I am doing and making him feel, it will sure pay off. So now I am really like that one courting a girl?
I don’t want to beg God, to give me him. If we are the lovers, then we will be just right in time. I don’t want to rush things again. I will end up getting hurt somehow.
If we were just destined to be friends, then I will accept it. Soon enough if we weren’t, my heart will stop yearning and longing for him. I’ll just be the way I am from this moment forth. If we should be the newest couple of the town then we will in a matter of time. I just have to believe. God will find a way, if it’s written in his wills. 