A love worth fighting for.

These past two days, I think I found love. A one-way love. I, loving him or just liking him, and he, just nothing. Nothing for me. I cried, hard. Like I am not in love for the first time. I don’t know why, because maybe I assumed that we can be something. Because he has given me reasons to pretend to. He admitted to my friend and I that he still loves her ex-girlfriend. That girl who is more beautiful than me, a girl who he thinks is just the one. It’s killing me. I don’t know why I cried for that one simple reason. I am nothing to him, just a friend. It’s awkward to let you know that we just met December of last year, and I started to have feelings for him this January, the first two weeks of the New Year. I want to stab myself. I let my emotions conquer me again. I let my own reasons to manipulate myself. I am wondering what’s worst. And the worst is I think I liked him a lot. They say I love him, but either way I try to look I just can’t find the perfect words to describe if I am really in love with this guy. It is like we just met, and then I fell for him. 
No guts, I still hope for him to like me, when he stopped breathing for her. However every time I look at him, when I am talking to him, I can see, that love, it will never be for me. As much as I hope for the stars to come down and take him away with me, it will never happen. As much as I pretend as if I am not affected in front of him the more vulnerable I am within.
And I made the biggest mistake of my life. I questioned God. Why He did not give me what I want? Maybe, he is not what I need. I always find myself in the midst of fault reasoning and timing. When I liked someone, they have their loves. What the hell am I thinking that there is a way that we can be something? I am the first one who admitted the feelings. And damn, it’s like I am the one who is courting someone. Heaven and earth help me!
I want to hold him in my arms, like what I have just said to him a while ago, he is worth loving. If I am that one to love him, I will take care of him, I will love him the way he should be love, and I will fight for him like nobody else can, and no one else can come between us. If I am that someone, I would never ever let go. But maybe they just can’t continue fighting for the love they have. Nevertheless, for me, even the world hates the two of you, even if the world would look hunting for your blood, even if the earth wanted you to fight each other, I won’t. Even the world fall apart, I would want to live with him, because that’s why you love, you will take every moment just to be together. You will dare have the sun to just be there and shine your path. Why would I even let go of someone, whom I know I should be with right now. On the other hand, the waters of the streams and leaves of the trees won’t give me the power to have him. I just can’t have him although I want to stare at him beside me for a lifetime. Maybe I am only saying this because I really like him. I don’t know. It may change. For now, I will just be like this. If he likes me for what I am, for what I am doing and making him feel, it will sure pay off. So now I am really like that one courting a girl?
I don’t want to beg God, to give me him. If we are the lovers, then we will be just right in time. I don’t want to rush things again. I will end up getting hurt somehow.
If we were just destined to be friends, then I will accept it. Soon enough if we weren’t, my heart will stop yearning and longing for him. I’ll just be the way I am from this moment forth. If we should be the newest couple of the town then we will in a matter of time. I just have to believe. God will find a way, if it’s written in his wills. 

Just I, who used to be.

I have no classes for four consecutive hours. And I hate it. In sense that I don’t want free time, but I hate it, because nothing productive happened. I just hate long hours of breaks, especially when you need them the day before. At least I had finished my works, my take home quiz for my FIL101.
And after that, it is time to go home. (Sigh) it is like one subject and then your off. As one bullet through your head, and you’re gone, no remorse and no going backs.
So today, I decided not to share “sigh effects” things, but I decided to look on the brighter side and share things differently. Not love, no LOVE for today. 
I woke up this morning really late, 30 minutes late! Damn, within those 30 minutes, I might have executed time on cooking my breakfast. And then I just decided to pour hot water on the noodles, but eventually it turned out that the heater for the water, is just limited within 20*. So I used my roommate’s boiler, and yes, at long last, I have achieved what I wanted with those noodles.
So, going to school, and my closest friend put make-up on me, light make-up. I wanted to refuse yet when the people around me said, “It looks good on you!” “You are beautiful!” It fits me, they said. Then, I have no arguments to make no more, I don’t have to be disgusted, I was thankful, somewhat I felt coquette. I am waiting for this guy, to see me that way, maybe he can also see magic after then. Nevertheless, we didn’t meet. Maybe God wanted him to see me, just the simple me, simple yet flawless in every ways.
It is the thought of the night: Be simple, be just who you are.
It is not really hard just to be yourself. Yes, people may judge you but that’s how you act, that’s how you foresee the world so why hide behind the clouds, so why hide behind someone else’s personality?
If you are ugly, but kindhearted, no need to withhold the fact that you are. You can try to be splendid but make sure you are on the right track.
Being just who you are shows the world what you are capable of. You are fantastic in many ways. No need to have a mask. No need to be shameful of where you came from, on what you are doing for a living as long as it is morally disabusing. No matter what may be your state in life, as long as you are you, things will go well.
Remember that you should never be afraid of the happenings around you as long as you can stand above the rest, as long as you can stand out in a crowd, you are the better one, not them, not the people putting you down continually. I believe as my age, you can act the way we should act, matured, the way that those people won’t have reasons to drag you beneath.
For truth, I don’t like people, yes they are being true to themselves, but saying words that may offend others knowing that they didn’t do something to those. Saying hurtful words like teasing without looking on you. Like who are you to judge them? Like who are these people that you look down so much? Haven’t you realized that they are just way better than you? Because they can’t fight back, it does not necessarily means they are not throbbed. Even you are rich, even you have the prettiest face, even you have the richest person to fool, even you have the greatest person to have with, and it doesn’t mean that you can degrade someone so hard. You are just killing their innocence.
In fact, I can’t be the good girl here, I am saying bad words, expressions as I may say, and now I am shameful of it. Not because I said so that you just have to be yourself, doesn’t and will never dignify that you shouldn’t change those acts. When needed to, change, when not to and you are not harming people, stay the same.
Well, enough said just ignore them, flip your hair girl, wink, and tell yourself, you are the best, it is not said in your heels that you are wearing, not in the make-up that fits you, not in the dress that collides with your body, it is always within you. The value of your heart, the value of things you know, the value of forgiveness in spite of those people who shamelessly fire you behind your back, the value of knowing love, friendship, truthfulness, faith and self confidence. Turn around the world before you, they may see you nothing, but to God you are everything. Go girl! You are one of the magnificent people in earth. Don’t keep yourself away from the light; it is time to have your own disco ball and spotlight. You are everything, not perfect but close to perfection.

SM: this is for the kind ones, not the pervert ones. 

My Birthday!

Novewmber 25 is the date! :))

YES NAMAN!

I love love this day. Thanks for all those who greeted me, I'll be uploading the pictures soon. Few of them, actually solo pictures of me. :))

For those who gave their gifts, I really appreciate it. :))

So, Seventeen? :| HAHAHA. It'll be fine. I'll get use t it. :)

The New Me.

So I was Really not updated with this.

I am Back. With the NEW Me. :)

First, I'll be telling you my story. I didn't get the chance to share it to those who follow me here. But I only have few of them.

SO here it is. I am a Letranite! And I am proud to be one! :)) So here goes the story.

I was cramming to find my College after graduation. Yes, of course I did pick University of the Philippines, but I was not lucky enough to be there. I chose then University of Sto. Tomas. But my mom, said we cannot afford to be there even if I enter as a Student Assistant. Her co-workers informed her that I should have the privilege to study at the Colegio for their flagship courses include Journalism.

So There I was, I got employees' discount, for my mom's working at Letran Bataan. I enrolled.

June 7-8, 2010 - I was officially crowned as a Letranite. :)))

And I will continue to live my days as one. :))))

WOAH!

I AM BACK!!!!

wala lang share ko lang naman! :) Ang tagal ko ding hindi nagganito. Pasensya kahit wala namang bumabasa dahil tinatamad ako. :) Haha. Its nice to be back. :) Nga pala. COLLEGE NA KO! Hindi na ko bakapagshare about my graduation. Pero okay lang yun dahil malungkot na pgahihiwalay yon. pero masaya pa din kasi, new beginning nanaman yun para sa amin, lalo sa akin. Sana lang makahanp ako ng kahit katulad nila sa bago kong school, Colegio de San Juan de Letran. :0 Taking AB JOURNALISM. sana magenjoy ako ng bongga dun. :)) Kakayanin yan.

FAN GIRL pa rin ako. ASSURANCE ko sa inyo yan. Haha. wala lang ako masyadong kuwento tungkol sa kanila ngayonm. Haha. :) Masyaa din ako dahil okay pa rin ang buhay ko. :) Salamt sa mga taong laging andiyan para sa akin. ang family ko, close friends, relatives, ang best friend ko. mga anak anakan, apuapohan, clasmmates, schoolmates, batchmates, sa lahat lahat! Haha. ayan nagsimula nanaman akong maging madaldal. Madami akong kuwento. 3 months na wlaang blog. Tss. Haha. WOAH! kinaya ko! haha. Tinatamad ako e. :) Pero dahil sa fromspring na kagagawa lang nagsipag ako. Ask kayo ng questions dun ha. Tinamad din ako kasi wla anamna masyadong nagfollow s aakin dito. Tss. sayang nga e. Kaya ayun. Konti lang siguro mahilig magganito. o kaya wlaa lang talagang interested sa mg kuwento ko. :)
Pero okay lang yun alam kong may magbabasa pa din nito. Iyon ay AKO! TANGING AKO! HAHA> SO BLOG FRIENDS, eto muna sa ngayon! MAHAL KO KAYO!<3

another story of LOVE> :((

kelan kelan kelan?

nakakainis naman. ngaun lang ulit ako nakapagBLOG!! hahaha. imissyou! mwa mwa! tinatamad na din kasee ako. haha.. i want tumblr. tinatamad naman akong gumawa. nakakinis. haha.. kamusta kayo kamusta klaong lahat?


may kuwento ko. :D

finally!!!


nagparamadam na siya! si jam! hahha JAM!!!! imissyou kung nababasa mo ito :D. sana nababasa mo. ayun kamustahan ever, tas bigayan ng ym number, okay naman daw siya. nagmature itsura niya. TANGKAD! kaiinggit. at masaya ako sa balitang UUWI siya by june or july. nakakatuwang malaman. magkikita kita ulit kami!!! naku jam! tadtad ka ng yakap sa pagbalik mo. hahaa


at nga pala. may kuwento ulit ako. lapit na mag feb 1. share ko lang. 1 month na kami ni best., ayiray. ala akong gift.. :( tsk wlaang budget sorry best.


namimiss ko na ang dating kami ng mga kaibigan ko.
lapit na ang grad.kailan pa kaya ulit tayo magkikita kita? lalo na ang magkakasama?

aukong isipin pero dadaanan at dadaanan naten talaga. >EMO.

totoo namna ai! >awain daw ba sarili? haha.


PALABAS NA!!

"PAANO NA KAYA?"

>aie kailangan ko talaga itong mapanuod.

>may pers time din nangyari ngaung araw. pers time makakauha ng mataas na grade pers time matulog sa klase, pers time, pumasok sa hair embassy, pers time makita si kuya czar na nakaganung uniform, pers time nakitang ganun si best. :( :) haha :D mixed emotions. >>kaya yan! tira tira!! :D mwa best! :D


dahil pers time ulit magblog. mahaba pa sana ang ating kuwentuhan ngunit ayoko na. wala ng maisip na ikuwento. tatapusin ko na ang fairy tale ko :D wahahaha.. kailangan nang ipasa yun. nakakainis. haha.. ayukong tapusin. nagsisismula nanaman akong magipon ng gagawin. tas tatamarin. amp> tamad tamad tamad!

:))


balik na lang ulit ako some other time! haha :D ingat!

ONEWdubu ♥
G-DRAGON♥
KYUHYUN ♥


ILOVEYOU!!

mainit init na post!!!

hahaha.. sobrang tagal ng hindi nakpag blog! yey! nakagamit ulit ng comp! hahah :D

nag 1st anniv na cp ko!! haha.. at muntik pang mawala! buti nakita ko pa! galing! thanks BRO!. haha :DD happy anniversary! hahahah.. butee na lang umabot ka. sana marami pa tayong pasamahan! :DD

at ngayon lang uli ako nakpagblog. asar nabawasan kadaldalan ko. haha. CRAMMINGS nanaman. sobrang naging busy. at ang dae kailangang tapusin at ipasa. at last. natapos din namin ang photography. :D

(paborito kong pic sa lahat)

bute na lang talaga tapos na kami :D ayun maganda naman kinalabasan. sana din pati yung grade hahah :D

nga pala. lumabas na din ang results ng mga entrance exams ko sa manila!!!

UST>>waiting list pa :D


UP> BAGSAK! hahaha :D malas. pero okay lang yan. sabi nga ni rap. madame pa. mag USTe ako! haha.. sana alaga ginalingan ko na. kaso kapanghinayang talaga :DD

haha.. kakayanin ko to! basta USTe ako! hahaha.. MANILA GIRL :D

sana pumaag na si mami. at pader. :( gusto ko mag manila. kakayanin yan!

periodicals na nga pala bukas! yes naman! parang nagrereview ako ha. haha.. bahala na ang katabi ko. haha. sama. basta GOD BLESS sa lahat. at congrats sa lahat ng pumasa! sa mga hindi naman, okay lang yan magsama sama tayo. haha :|

sa mga hindi pa nakkapagdecide, kaya nyo yan! go lang!

LUNA: goodluck.

best>> mag UP ka ha! haha kaya mo yan! mwa mwa! :DD


thanks BRO! sobrang salamat! :DD mwa mwa! i love you!

ONEWdubu ♥
G-DRAGON ♥
KYUHYUN ♥


ILOVEYOU!!!